Paleo 2.0: Day 3 184.3

Well, I'm back at it. Trying Paleo again and so far so good. I came across a quote that says:

So, this time I'm approaching it a little differently. I'm not going to be super "Is that Paleo!?!" I'm just going to do my best.

I haven't had any cravings, so that's a plus. I also don't really enjoy eating since I haven't quite developed a taste for primal food yet. Still wanting ice cream rather than broccoli :p

I'm going to take my measurements and weight once a week on Saturdays. I am keeping track of calories, but seeing as they're all healthy ones, I'm not really counting. I've been eating about 1800 a day, so here's hoping that's enough for me to lose weight.

Worried I might have a medical condition that caused the weight to pack on so quickly. It's being rather stubborn with coming off this time around. I've decided I'm just going to eat and train and if in a month I haven't lost a significant enough amount of weight, I'll go have some tests done.

Dare to Tri

I have a huge fear of failure, so much so that if I don't think I can succeed at something, I'm unlikely to even attempt it. I have never used a treadmill or weights at a gym because I have no idea how to use them and I'm afraid everyone will laugh at me. When swimming, I always get really self conscious because I LOOK like an athlete, but I'm still learning.

All of these things have held me back in the past, but not anymore.

I've got 90 days left until IronMan and my training has been sporadic at best, erratic at times, and non existent too often. At this point, a finish might not even be possible for me, but I've decided to try. The very real possibility of failing is not going to keep me from taking a shot at my dream of becoming an IronMan.

I'm just so damn proud that I even have the courage to embark on a journey like this. IronMan has always seemed unattainable to me, but here I am, training for it and making plans for this day in three months.

When I first started biking again in 2011, I went 2.5 miles, had to stop to catch my breath, and then went home. I can now bike 20 miles like it's nothing, 50 miles with ease, and 100+ miles proficiently.

When I first started running, I couldn't run half a mile without stopping to wheeze. I can run an entire 10K without stopping now.

When I first started triathlons, the farthest I'd ever swam (swum?) was to the end of the pool as a kid. I swam .25 miles in my first triathlon and I was amazed I was capable of doing that. 6 months later, and I just swam 1.3 miles in an hour. My swim stroke and speed have both really improved and my confidence in the water has increased tenfold.

My point is, even if I don't finish IronMan, I have succeeded. Even if I only finish the first loop of the swim, that's 1.2 miles father than I could ever swim before I got this crazy dream in my head. Even if I only finish up to the bike and can't do the run, that's still 70 miles farther than I'd ever gone prior to training.

Training has taught me I am strong, mentally and physically. It's taught me that I am capable. My body has done things I never thought someone like me would be capable of.

I might be a DNF, but a DNF is better than a DNS any day and you bet your bottom dollar I'm going to start and give it my all.

Even if I don't finish IronMan, I'm a winner.

Progress, Doubt, and Hope

I have made so much athletic progress. I used to think of a 1/2 marathon as a huge academic feat, now I make sure to run one at least once a month. I wasn't able to run a single mile a year ago, now I can run for an hour straight. I can bike without getting tired. I can swim a little better.

There's the doubt, the swim. Will I be able to make it in time?

I sure hope so. I'm going to really drill down for my training. Push, dig, and get those swim times better. If I finish the swim, I WILL finish IronMan.

The only thing standing between me and an IronMan finish is myself.

I've now run 5 1/2 marathons and completed 3 triathlons. I AM a runner. I AM a triathlete. I AM a cyclist.

I WILL BE AN IRONMAN.

I'm a triathlete

I didn't want to run today, but I was encouraged by a friend, so I did. I haven't run since the disaster of my 1/2 for St. Patick's Day and I really lost my confidence. I decided I needed to face my anxieties head on and reclaim my mojo, so I wore the shirt I got from the 1/2 and decided just to get out there and so SOMETHING.

I went through the first song and a half of my playlist regretting my life choices and really just wanting to go home. I felt really slow and off my game, but I kept going. "Fast or slow, just go," I kept telling myself. Then, my music quieted and the lovely Nike lady came on "One mile completed, time 9:05"

"WHAT! 9:01 is my best mile time and that was a sprint! I guess I'm not going so slow after all..."

I get a few more songs in and I'm bored, I'm tired, I'm over it. I tell myself that I just have to do the 5k loop once.

"Just make it through the park...just through the park."

I get to the entrance of the park which is one mile away from my house. Nike lady "Two miles completed, time 17 mins some-odd seconds"

"17 minutes! How'd I get faster on my second lap? I'm on my way to my best 5k. Dude, was that my best mile? Will it even calculate that? I got this."

I kept running.  I was tired, I was breathing hard, but I was determined.

I got home and stopped the app and what to my wondering eyes should appear?

3 new PR'S!!! I think it's safe to say I found my mojo.

I've been eating about 95% Paleo for the last few days and I've noticed a big change in my energy and endurance. I was able to swim laps faster yesterday, though I could tell that I'd been away from training for a while. When you put the right gas in the car, it runs better.

Yesterday, at the gym, I was in the locker room and I complimented a lady on her cute workout clothes. We chatted a bit while she changed into street clothes and I struggled out of my swimsuit into my workout clothes to hit the bike (chlorine is like anti-Pam I swear) She asked if I was going to do another workout and, without skipping a beat, I replied, 

"Yeah, I'm a triathlete."

I've trained, and I've been working towards this for a while. But finally, FINALLY, I feel like I'm walking the walk enough to really be able to own the fact that I am, in fact, a tri athlete. I swim, I bike, and I run,

I have a triathlon on April 19th and I am seriously stoked to see how I do! It's Olympic, so it'll be the longest tri I've ever done and I'm really looking forward to seeing what I can do.

Finding my mo-jo

I've been in a funk lately. Right when I get out of one for myself, something happens to my family that sends me right back into a state of constant worry.

No more. The cycle stops now.

I don't like how I look. I've relapsed into unhealthy habits and I am paying the price. My weight has been on an upward trend for about 5 months, and now it's going down. I'm committing myself anew to my fitness goals.

This week and next week will both be relatively easy in terms of workload. What better time to jumpstart my training!

It's cold and windy today, so I spent what is supposed to be my off day doing 30 minutes of Tae Bo followed by a set of 50 sit ups.

Tomorrow I have a really short day, so I plan to do a double brick session. I bought a nose plug AND a kick board, so I should be set up for a good swim followed by a ride on the stationary bike and my first ever adventure with running on a treadmill, wish me luck with that last part.

I feel good. I ate well today, I worked out, and I'm getting back to the person that I want to be.

I'm excited!

Bump in the road or road block?

It's always something…

My husband asked if I thought my physical ailments might be a psychosomatic symptom of my stress related to IronMan. Oddly enough, IronMan doesn't stress me out anymore. Since my long swim, which I know is still only a quarter of where I need to be, I have felt much more confident. I'm now 98% sure I will be able to finish IronMan.

I have an Olympic triathlon in a couple weeks, and that will give me a really good measure of my swim time since it's a .93 mile open water swim. I'm so excited! It'll really show me what I've got to offer.

I've found that I really don't like training long distances. I feel like it's a waste of time. When the time comes, I'll run the marathon or bike the century, but I hate doing them in preparation. I feel like I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it. I know the long workouts are necessary, I just don't like them.

I haven't been training because I've had physical issues. Jaw dislocation followed by some sort of sinus infection. I made an appointment for tomorrow. I pray they'll give me antibiotics. Even if it's viral, just taking the antibiotics will have a placebo effect at the very least.

I'm hoping to run a 1/2 this weekend in pursuance of my 1/2 a month goal, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. I feel like my weeks have been full of work and stress and my weekends have been just trying to recover from it all. I want to get back to being healthy!

I just got the last letter of recommendation I need to apply to some other jobs. I think a bit of a professional change would help me. Start with a clean slate. We'll see.

I got a bit of bad news about IronMan lodging yesterday when the person I rented a condo from emailed me to say they were canceling my reservation "due to unforeseen circumstances." It seems like the people who plan ahead always get screwed. I specifically booked lodging back in DECEMBER so I could get a good rate. Sure, we're still about 5 months out from the event, but there's no way I'll get such a good price now! Unprofessionalism to the max if you ask me.

Happily, I was able to find another place to rent, though it's teensy and only has one bathroom for the 7 of us. It'll be cramped, buuuuuuut it's literally less than a mile away from the start line, so awesomeness and definitely gonna be worth it.

I'm hammering down my plans for the actual weekend. I reserved this place from Thursday-Monday so I can drive up Thursday after work, sleep, then check in on Friday. My family will pick up my husband on their way to the cottage on Friday, so I'll have a good chunk of the day to do some training at altitude. They'll also drop me off on their way back, so my husband won't have to take any time off work.

We're going to Hawaii the following week, so he needs to save his vacation time. I just hope I'll be able to walk by then. Maybe not my finest piece of planning :p

I like that me being sick, figuring out how my husband can avoid missing work, and having to rebook accommodations are the only things about IronMan that are stressing me out now. I really do see myself being successful, and that's a really nice feeling.

Dreaming of IronMan

I've had two dreams about IronMan.

The first, was really a nightmare. I woke up late, got to the swim start when people were already at the run portion, and then I woke up in a cold sweat. It obviously meant I had major anxiety about being unprepared for IronMan and manifested my huge fear of a DNF.

The second was last night, and was more of a stressful dream I guess. I was swimming when it hit me that I was actually swimming in IronMan. I was doing it! I laughed while underwater and kept swimming, though it was freestyle so obviously my brain thinks I need to work on my technique.

The dream skipped the bike section completely, this doesn't surprise me. I'm not worried about the bike section. There are two big climbs, but I'll just spin up them or walk up them, easy peasy. I've given very little anxious thought to biking IM because it will be the easiest leg of the event for me.

Then, it was on to the run, and I was again hit with the realization that I was running IronMan and that I had made it to the run, which meant I'd survived the cutoff times for the swim and the bike portions. Someone told me the run was 4 laps, which was disheartening, but I was actually there, on the run.

Then I woke up. Again, not surprising because if I can make it through the swim and have a good enough time that I make all the cutoffs and reach the beginning of the run, I WILL finish.

There was no victory in my dream, no big finish, but I'm obviously getting there, and that's worth celebrating.