162.8

*Warning* Contains somewhat graphic information about eating disorders *Warning*

Progress, progress, progress! It's so encouraging and so dangerous. I have a history of eating disorders and it's really hard not to get carried away once I see the numbers on the scale going down.

At my worst, I was 122...I'm 5'11”. When I told my mom that I was starving myself and purging cyclically, she said we couldn't afford therapy, couldn't tell my dad, and that I should turn to God for healing. My poor mom had no idea what to do, and I went on with my bad habits for another year.

My family called me skeletor and complained that the bathroom always reeked of vomit, but no one offered to help besides my older brother Daniel. When my two younger sisters told him about finding bags of vomit hidden in my room, he told he he loved me, that I was beautiful, and that I could be skinny without killing myself. He also got me a membership at his gym and we worked out together twice a week. That's when I started exercising, got counseling at school, and began my road to recovery.

But abulimia (anorexia and bulimia) is like alcoholism: one is never fully recovered. Even now, three years later, I have the urge to starve myself and purge after I eat. It's a daily struggle that's aggravated when I try to lose weight to be healthy. The knee jerk reaction is to crash diet, but I know I can't.

You may have noticed I didn't eat dinner the past two days. It's because I was starting to obsess over the number glaring up at me from between my feet on the scale and forcing that number down by any means necessary. I cannot, will not allow that to happen, and that's why I have to make all this public: to prevent myself from cascading down that slippery slope into the oblivion of my eating disorder. I want to thank Maggie for helping me realize this (coincidentally, she's married to Daniel now =]) It's people like Daniel, Maggie, Anna, and Sarah (my two younger sisters) that have helped me fight this disease, and I will keep fighting.

Weight

Morning Weight: 160

Evening Weight: 162.8

Food

Breakfast: Green apple

Lunch: 1 can pinto beans with Tapatio

Dinner: Flame Broiler veggie bowl with Magic Sauce

Snacks: Peach yogurt, 3 pieces of gum

Exercise

Billy's Boot Camp: Rock Solid Abs (-3 minutes)

22.8 lbs. to lose healthily